I’ve just given my website a refurb. I’ve repainted the walls, changed the colours, tried to make it cleaner, simpler and nicer for the people that visit. My life has undergone a refurb. No longer am I warm inside out. No longer do I wait for someone to come home. No. I am picking up the threads. At times it’s exhilarating. At times sad. It’s life upside down.
Human beings do terrible, cruel things to other human beings.
When betrayal comes knocking what do you do? Do you lie down and let it eat you alive. Or do you rise? Shrug the beast from your shoulder and take tiny steps to right your world. To move degree by degree until your life resembles something you recognise. Something that feels warm breaking the ice around your heart and removing the giant ball in your throat.
I’m trying. When I laugh it rings true. I value the people who care. I go out but hardly for long as my home beckons. It’s safe here. I work. How I welcome the familiarity of words. And the feel of the soil beneath my fingers. It’s funny how a garden. Trees and plants and tiny inexplicable flowers that I know I didn’t plant can bring something akin to happiness.
Ice Plant or Baby Sun Rose? I choose Baby Sun Rose. The sun is small now but it will grow up and be fierce again.